Love in action: my greatest lesson through depression (Stephanie’s story)
Depression more than sucks. For me it was deeply debilitating, crippled with anxiety and shattered my world. My suicide attempts shocked everyone including me, so when Francesca asked "Why now?" during our photo shoot, I said "because I am alive & want to celebrate everything that led me to this present moment."
This is my story of hope and silent strength while facing the darkest parts of myself to let the light back in.
Ten years ago my world cracked wide open. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, beyond burnt out from work & created a life that appeared great to me but was really sprinting so fast ahead of my trauma, hoping it wouldn't catch up. It did, it hit hard.
I recently graduated with my masters in social work, had a great job, wonderful friends who are truly my family, my precious cat Tali. The paradox is that I was the supportive, reliable friend & family member who never asked for help.
Although I lost my job, my home & myself, depression gave me the opportunity to find out who I truly am, what I believe in & what it feels like to deeply love in all capacities.
I hate diagnoses & was told that I had "treatment resistant depression" which terrified me and fit perfectly with the way my soul ached in an ineffable way for almost three years.
After going away to a trauma treatment center for a month, trying all traditional therapy modalities & so much more, I was faced with a deep inner choice: Do I want to live? & if yes, how am I going to do this?
So how did I get to this present moment of living a conscious life that is full of all the feels & so much love? Love in action. This is my greatest lesson through depression.
Learning to love all of me was terrifying & it was the only way through. Facing my deepest wounds that I never wanted to see. It hasn't been easy & it is so worth it.
Cultivating a spiritual practice with a team of angels, goddesses, ancestors & all elementals for support
Expanding my consciousness in unimaginable ways
Nurturing my empathic gifts of animal communication that used to overwhelm me
Asking for help & truly learning to receive support from family, friends, animals, nature
Surrender & acceptance
Trusting & listening to my body, intuition & higher self to guide me
Reconnecting with what truly brings me peace & doing more of it! Being with myself in nature is where I feel most connected, at home
Loving & supporting all younger versions of myself
Using my voice in an empowered way
Understanding my truth
Understanding that everything is a conscious choice even if it doesn't seem like it
Embracing the unknown
Trusting potential & possibility
Listening & learning wisdom from others. Always keep learning!
Grieving the life I had, to create space for the one I am living now -Staying in the present
Deep gratitude
Tali, my precious cat, greatest teacher of unconditional love
Slowing down to just be & breathe, breathe, breathe
Facing my fears to find out they are less scary than I imagined & can actually lead to freedom, potential & empowerment
Making mistakes & learning from them
Staying open: trying manyyy new uncomfy things to see what fits for me & what doesn't
Choosing to see joy & magic in the mundane
Embracing the fullness of all the feels
Believing in other's hope when I didn't have my own
Embodying the belief: "I am held in love, safety & abundance"
Witnessing & being part of love in action everyday in big ways & seemingly small moments that are truly the most important of all
Today I get to be a Therapist, Veterinarian nurse/tech, Animal medium, healthy daughter, sister, supportive friend, Aunt to my precious nephews, devoted cat mom. I get to give & recieve all of this love in action. This love continues to heal me every day.
I am so grateful to be on this journey, in this evolutionary process of becoming who I needed. I get to be perfectly imperfect me.
This photo shoot with Francesca wasn't about depression. It was honoring the continuous process of choosing love. It was about empowered choices, strength in vulnerability & letting the light back in. Thank you Francesca for sharing your gorgeous gift of love in an ineffable timeless way. Thank you for seeing me, encouraging me to lean into my discomfort, supporting me & giving me the opportunity to have fun in expressing who I truly am.
Be gentle, loyal & loving to yourself,
Stephanie Weitz, LMSW
I was walking with my kids over to the dumpster in my community, a bag of trash in one hand. I look over to my left and see a girl sitting in the parking lot on a curb, near a car. I think nothing of it. We throw out the trash and start heading back. The girl sitting on the curb looks at me, and says, “Excuse me, are you Francesca?”
I say, yes. She says, “I follow you on Instagram and I love your work.”
I feel incredibly famous. We talk about common acquaintances, and the connection is made.
That was the day I met Stephanie, the beautiful goddess in these photos. Her sister lived in the same community as I, and she was visiting and that’s how we met.
When I saw Stephanie’s turquoise hair on Instagram, I started badgering her about a photoshoot. That’s not my typical strategy for acquiring clients, but sometimes women need a little nudge. Or 27 of them, until they finally give in and allow themselves a photographic experience like Goddess Photoshoot.
Here is the story of Stephanie’s photoshoot.
PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHY SESSION In boca raton - STEPHANIE’S forest PHOTOSHOOT
After Stephanie and I agreed to photograph, we needed to decide where we would photograph, and what she would be wearing. With her turquoise hair, Stephanie wanted to go for the forest witch vibe and I suggested we photograph at the Yamato Scrub Natural Area in Boca Raton. The truth is, we ended up overpacking for the photoshoot and talking too much during it, that we ended up doing a part II of her photoshoot at the Delray Oaks Nature Area.
When it came to planning the outfits, Stephanie sent me A LOT of options! And I loved that. She put the outfits on and sent me the photos and then we narrowed it down to a few outfits that you see in the photos. In reality, from the time we had our phone consultation, to picking location, outfits, then photographing and the delivery of the final images AND this personal story that Stephanie wrote, this entire process was an experience, a ritual of sorts. What a beautiful way to honor yourself!
The day before the photoshoot I took my kids to this park to scout out the location. My ten-year old said, “You’ve photographed there a million times, why do we need to go look at it AGAIN?” I explained to her that the forest always changes. On top of that, the woman I would be photographing was different from all the other women, and I needed to see what area would resonate with her. The kids and I walked around, had fun, and I pinpointed one spot which would be good fit for Stephanie.
On the day of the shoot, Stephanie and I had to lug all of our stuff (outfits, soft box, camera bag, flowers, a bag with other props). It was quite a workout! (Having a wagon to put all of this on as other professional photographers do would have been easy, but we don’t seek either ways :)) We started heading toward the spot that I had mentally mapped out for us, but we never made it there. Instead, we came across this magnificent tree that spoke to us. We made camp there, and settled in. When night fell, it wasn’t even darkness that made us leave. It was (mostly my) fear) that our cars would be locked in the parking lot overnight.
We started our creative play under and near the tree. Stephanie was easy to photograph - her calm and peaceful energy shined through and I didn’t need to “pose her” per say. I would just give her some suggestions of what we could try. At a certain point, I asked Stephanie if she could climb the tree. She said yes, and started climbing. There was one branch of the tree that was positioned at about 45 degree angle, but as she tried to make her way up, the bark of the tree kept sliding off. I thought this girl would give up. I watched and waited as I myself was thinking of the best angle and lens for this shot. She finally made it to where we wanted her to be. I admire Stephanie’s resilience and the photos we created as a result.
After we finished photographing by the tree, Stephanie made an offering of gratitude, cornflower and dried flowers. This tree was an integral part of this photoshoot and we were both thankful.
Stephanie changed, grabbed her flowers, and we created these beautiful portraits of her on a path in the forest. I used a soft box, and I absolutely LOVE how these photos turned out. Of course, I was obsessed with her tattoos. Her wearing a lace dress and combat boots was a fusion of the soft and delicate, yet powerful and stoic, the true embodiment of the divine feminine. Also, I was obsessed with her hair, so we had to do some flying hair shots and I got the image that I needed.
Then we attempted to photograph with the mirror, which we brought with us. You know those beautiful soulful photos with mirrors you see on Pinterest? That’s the vibe we shot for. It was pure torture and the images came out nothing like the Pinterest photos. There were a couple of photos that I like that we created with Stephanie. If I keep practicing, I will be able to create something more meaningful.
For the second part of our photoshoot, on another day, a few weeks later, we thought we were starting early, but darkness, again, caught up to us before we felt complete in our creative process. It worked out well, because we wanted to play with fire and we managed to do that. (In a very safe way, of course: fire contained in a cauldron, and doing it over sand, so we can extinguish it easily in case of emergency.) Some of the fun moments from this shoot were photos with golden orb spiders (another photographic nightmare, because it was so hard to focus on the spider!) Another serendipitous moment was coming across this velvety bush that was so soft and fluffy. I love how those photos came out.
If I had to sum up our photoshoot in one image, it would be the one below. I asked Stephanie to stand in front of our tree, and I hanged her hair onto the branches and bark of the tree. I am not sure what this image represents, but it felt good to create it. Just like me, Stephanie finds nature so healing, and her being tied to the tree with her own hair, was a mini meditation session. I love this photo because her vibrant turquoise hair is front and center and Stephanie is beaming with joy. Joyous and free from a depression that plagued her, celebrating her body and her journey in this beautiful photographic experience in the forest.
RECREATE THE MAGIC
Every image is shaped by small, intentional details. Here are a few of the elements similar to the ones Stephanie used that helped create these photos—feel free to draw inspiration and make it your own.
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BEHIND THE SCENES MAGIC
Watch how this image was created.
What do you think of Stephanie’s story and the photos we created? Does any of it resonate?
Please let me know in the comments.
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