self-portraits: light and shadow play
I had just finished a morning photoshoot with a beautiful young man at Sunsport Gardens Naturist Resort. I was high on the nature around AND the fact that I had a productive photoshoot. I go to say hi to my friend Alex who lives there. Alex gives me coffee, to which she adds collagen. If my skin looks extra glowy in these photos, that’s why. If it doesn’t, the collagen hasn’t kicked in yet :)
Just so you know, Sunsport Gardens is a huge place with lots of interesting places that I find especially inspiring — from the meditation field with the gigantic Buddha head, and the lotus pond, and the adjacent labyrinth laid out with pink brick. There’s also the bamboo garden, the community garden with beautiful flowers and gigantic leaves, there are the pine trees and the royal poinciana next to a lake, there are outdoor showers… There are so many places where I could plant myself and create happily for at least an hour because there is so much “material”. The heavy tripod cutting into my shoulder, camera bag on the other, coffee mug in hand, I go where my feet take me. At moments like this, I know that my intuition and my body will take me exactly where I need to be, as long as I don’t let the mind interfere. And that’s exactly what happens this time.
I find myself on a nature trail. Tall pine trees line the path, sun peeking in from the right, not too high up in the sky because it is still early. I set my things down, and start filming some content for Instagram. There was something my friend said that I wanted to record my thoughts about. My friend says, “every time I see nude photos that you share on Instagram, it makes my eyes bleed.” When my friend said it, I laughed so hard. It is such a powerful visual, and I love a good turn of a phrase. The thing about my friend is that she supports my art, she supports me, she just doesn’t understand how some people allow me to share the naked photos on Instagram. My friend beliefs your body is something sacred, that is reserved only for those who are most intimately involved with you, like your husband or your boyfriend, but not for the whole wide world to see. It was interesting for me to hear that perspective, that’s why I decide to film my thoughts on that while I’m naked on the trail. (For the record, I published that reel and naturists got offended by the phrase about bleeding eyes. The friend got somewhat offended by the fact that I didn’t defend her from the heated opinions of naturists. The reel performed very well, the friend and I had a really good connecting conversation, and all is good).
While I’m filming my videos, I catch an interesting shadow on my thigh. As I look up, I see this leaf, it is utterly destroyed by some parasite who had a good lunch or a week worth of food here, and it strikes me as absolute beauty. I pluck it, look through it at the sunlight, watch the shadow of lace play on my skin as I move the leaf closer and further from my skin. I am in awe, in love, even higher now that the coffee kicked in and I found this leaf. I already know that this session will be a satisfying one, as I set up my tripod and camera.
These are the final best images from my little play session. The truth is, I first started with photos of me sitting on the ground, with shadows on my back and my belly. I love how the creative process evolves, leading you from one idea to the other, unfolding at its own pace, in its own rhythm, all you have to do is trust it, follow it and know that you will arrive somewhere beautiful.
What I love about these photos is that the shadow looks like lace on my neck and shoulder. I love how the light falls off on my cheekbone, and I love how the jawline glows from the sunlight bouncing off my chest. I couldn’t have possibly planned it. It all came together like magic, pure magic.
As I was editing these photos before releasing them into the world (just a few blemishes and hairs on my face that looked too stark in the sunlight), I thought to myself. If you look closely enough at my skin, you will see “the flaws”. Scars from acne, large pores, shiny skin, wrinkles - all the things we have been convinced are “wrong with us”. If you look for flaws in my skin, you will find them. But if you decide to look for beauty and light, you will see that too.
And that leaf, the one that helped me create these images, is an embodiment of that message too. You can look at it as a collection of holes, something that is full of flaws, but you can also hold it up to the sun and see how the light dances through it. What you look for, you find. What you CHOOSE to focus on is what you will get.
I also saw this leaf that was filled with holes as a metaphor for life: bad things that happen, misfortunes, big or small, eat away at us in a way, leave a hole, leave a mark or a scar. But then all these negative experiences make us into who we are, give us strength and courage. It is through those holes that healing and light enters. And together, all those things weave themselves into this beautiful tapestry called life. ♥
For the behind-the-scenes magic of how these portraits were created, and to get the vibe of that morning, follow me on Instagram. Here are a few reels from that day:
