why making your dreams a reality is scary - my Paris story

The closest I have ever been to France is a French bakery. A place where I can practice my bonjour and merci beaucoup and pretend I am in France.

I have been enamored with the French language since young age. At the university, I missed the day there were forming foreign language groups, and a friend of mine signed me up for Japanese. "There were not enough people for a French group anyway, and out of Japanese and Korean, I thought Japanese would be a cool language to know." It wasn't until my late thirties when I started taking French lessons. I find this language so sexy and beautiful that I could listen to someone recite the multiplication table and not get bored.

And of course, it has been a dream to visit Paris. The city of lights that every girl dreams of. It didn’t bother me that this dream was not unique to me.

But here is a surprising thing I learned about reaching for my dream and making it a reality.

A few days ago my friend Sasha invited me to celebrate her birthday in Paris. She said the airfare was cheap and we could split accommodations with another girlfriend of hers who would come with us.

(This is Sasha. Look how stylish and cool she is. She is even wearing a French t-shirt. Am I even cool enough to go to Paris?)

Here it is, my dream, within reach. No, wait, it can't be. Let me ask husband first. Husband says, "YES, please go!" Oh wow. Full permission to  take and behold my dream, how... scary is that? 

What I felt was FEAR. I told Sasha I was coming, still not believing that it was happening, still apprehensive, and only when she said she bought the tickets, I felt that  "now it's a done deal, I have no choice but to go, so I better start preparing myself psychologically."

Why was I scared? It's Paris, the city of lights, with its endless cafes, well-dressed people and the French language on every corner. It is the Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysee, and endless museums. It is inspiration in every lamp post, history of centuries ago whispering to me through the buildings. Why be afraid of what you DREAMT about, what you WANTED, what you WISHED for?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is the comfort zone that doesn't want to let me go. The comfort zone is soo cozy and our psyche wants to keep us in the familiar and known territory. As much a dream is something desirable, it is UNKNOWN. And if it is unknown, it is scary. And if it is scary, of course you shouldn't do it. 

When a dream is just a dream, it is wrapped up in pretty wrapping paper with a bow on top, neatly tucked away on a shelf. It is somewhere on the top shelf where you can see it, and point at it from time to time to your guests who come to visit. And it sits there, slowly collecting dust, and when you do take it down from there to examine it, you wonder if you ever get to unwrap it and look what's inside. And maybe you even convince yourself that having this pretty wrapped up box IS enough. After all, you can brag about it and everyone can tell how pretty it is. And maybe what's inside is a can of worms, and you might not even like it. Let's put this baby back on the upper shelf again  and admire it from afar.

That's what it felt like for me. 

What I told myself is that I WILL DARE to unwrap it. I DO WANT to see what's INSIDE. Life is not a rehearsal and this is it. I don't know when I will have a chance to go to Paris again. Flying there with our entire family of five is definitely more expensive than me going solo in a company of Ukrainian girls. And maybe if it wasn't up to Sasha, I would wait many years to go visit the city of my dreams, and by then I would be an old wrinkled lady. An old lady with short white hair, smiling at the bustling Parisian life and thinking to myself, "Why the hell didn't I come here sooner? What's the point of all this now?" You know, how people get bitter as they get older in life and teach everyone how to live and say things like "when I was younger..." Who cares about Paris at that age anyway?

Sasha asked me to send her my passport info. There was still hope that this was not meant to be. If my passport is expired, I wouldn't be able to go. 

Upon checking I discovered that the passport expires in seven years from now. I took it as a sign.

Sasha booked our tickets and found a cozy little apartment for us to stay in. I booked the AirBnB and the confirmation read, "Congratulations, you are going to Paris!" 

It is happening. It really IS HAPPENING.

I am proud of myself for acting in spite of my fear. Words mean a lot to me and I decided to switch from saying "it is scary" to IT IS UNKNOWN. Because it is unbeknownst to me, this magical city of Paris that every girl dreams of. 

Why do I dream of going there? Will something be revealed to me there? What will it be like? The mind, or the ego, wants certainty, but it will all be revealed once I get there. 

One thing that I know for sure is that this trip will EXPAND me. When I first thought of going there, with all the uncertainties, I felt that if a trip to Paris is possible for me, then anything is possible. We can plan, save up, research, do and make shit happen. I will be leaving my three children with my husband, so I will need to let go of control and practice surrender, having faith, and growing as a result of this. I am teaching my children self-love - Mommy is going to Paris to do something for herself. Oh, yeah, and we also want to pay a visit to Normandy, while we there!

Now the only thing left to do is go shopping for clothes, pack my suitcase and camera and show up to the airport two hours before our flight. Everything after that is just a giant leap of faith. I am open to experiencing, seeing, learning, being inspired or disappointed, being filled up or emptied, and experiencing a dream come true. A DREAM COME TRUE. How cool is that? 

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I typically use my own images for this website, but since I haven’t been to Paris yet, I have no photos to show and this story seemed so naked without visuals. I expanded my comfort zone by using free images from Pixabay to give you a glimpse of what I will be seeing on my trip. The goal is to update the blog with MY photo essay from Paris upon my return.

I am going to Paris!!!!! What????? Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!

Thank you for reading ♥

GODDESS PHOTOSHOOT STORIES

MY LIFE LEARNINGS:

What is a Goddess Photoshoot and what does it FEEL like? Watch this video to find out:

how a little bit of creativity might infuse more JOY into your life

As I take a step back to have a better angle at my model -- a rosy, delicate pastry sitting atop a silver mirror-like platter, an unusual model for a portrait photographer, a door opens and a woman who works in this café comes out and throws a glance at my setup. Her eyes light up and she says, “ah, beautiful!” She must be in her thirties, half of her strawberry blond hair is shaved on the bottom, and the rest is tied into a messy ponytail on top. Her eyes are pale green and she wears glasses. She starts asking me questions and rambling on about something and I don’t even understand WHAT she is saying but I understand what she is FEELING: JOY.

And her feeling is familiar to me. I start wondering why people get so excited when they come in contact with the PROCESS of CREATION. Do you ever notice how people gather around an artist painting on the street, or a musician playing guitar in the town square? People are drawn to art, to the process of creation. And it gets me thinking about the book that I am reading right now by Julia Cameron called The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. Judging by the title alone, someone might think that this is a book for creators, someone who is already a writer, photographer, painter, but it is not so. I believe this book is for everyone who wants to experience (more) JOY in LIFE.

In her book the author invites everyone to do art just because it is FUN. Not because we want to become world-famous artists but because it is ENJOYABLE. And it is not even art per se, but doing activities that you have been dreaming of, things that you FEEL will make you happy but the things your rational mind is advising you against. By allowing our inner child creative play we get in touch with the creative Source, with what we truly want to do, and bring joy into our lives.

How many adults do things just because they are fun? People who are not in creative professions who allow themselves to paint, mold something out of clay, or take up a pottery class? It is rare. As a creative myself, whenever an idea strikes me, I get fired up for a moment and then the voice in my head says, “well, can you make money with it?” Or “can it give you fame?” How about doing it just because it is a great idea! And I am already in the creative profession! How many accountants or real estate agents say, “hey, I'm going to go get some beads in Michael’s and start making jewelry just because it feels good”?

The main premise of the book is that "WE ARE ALL CREATIVE and with the use of a few simple tools we can become more creative. Creativity is a spiritual practice. We have only to open ourselves up to the Great Creator working through us". It is not a philosophical or theoretical book that talks about creativity - it GIVES you SPECIFIC TOOLS to bring your creativity to life, the creativity that does exist in you, but might not have been given a chance to show itself. Just like you need to invest time into growing your muscles or making your body fit, you will need to invest time into become CREATIVE or more creative. But one promise I can make to you is that unbottling your creativity, ALLOWING yourself to FEEL JOY, will have a tremendous impact on your life.

Many people are, what the author calls them, BLOCKED CREATIVES. They are people who unknowingly do not allow themselves to express their creativity. You know, I used to be a blocked creative! In my early thirties I labeled myself as "not talented". It was clear: I didn't know how to play a musical instrument, I didn't do any crafts, hence, I had no talents. And even though I had been drawn to photography since I was in my early twenties, I didn't DARE to try photography because, clearly, “I had no talent”. And only when I quit drinking on April 18, 2013, about a month later, I bought a digital camera and signed up for a photography class at a local art school. (Actually, Julia Cameron, the author of the book, is a recovered alcoholic, too!)

Fear is holding many of us back because fear does not like change, it does not like the status quo to be challenged. Out of fear it is safer to stay creatively blocked, something that feels like an old comfy chair rather than venture into the unknown territory of exploring your creativity.

The concept of Creative Source may feel awkward to some, but the author invites us to have an open mind. She explains that by tuning into the frequency of the creative force around us we are capable of becoming more creative. I have been able to experience this first-hand. The reason I chose the name Francesca Bliss for my artist is because when I started photographing, it felt like it was not something that was being created by me, but instead, something that was happening THROUGH me.

When I see people who are obviously yearning for something, but don’t allow themselves to do it because they "don't have time", or "it is stupid", or "they can't earn a living with it", it makes my heart ache. One such person is as close to me as it gets. It is my husband.

Isaac is originally from Turkey, he has an amazing voice, sings beautifully, plays guitar, loves, I mean, LOVES, music, AND has a sex appeal and dreaminess about him to be a musician. He picks up the guitar every now and then, looks up chords on the internet and plays and sings to us. He learned to play the guitar when he was a teenager, saved up money for a guitar and signed up for classes and then plucked those strings until he got blisters on his fingers. To this day he has a grainy video of him with long hair performing a Metallica song on stage at an event of some sort back in his hometown of Adana. He can can sit down at the piano and figure out how to play a simple tune even though he has never even learned to play piano. And the way he sings... Ah, especially those overly dramatic Turkish songs (he translates them for me) - they will make you want to jump off the balcony.

I remember when I was young(er) and reckless, back in my smoking days, an older woman saw me with a cigarette, and in a very quiet, non-preaching voice said, "Imagine, a friend gives you a beautiful vase as a gift. You take it from your friend, spit into it and put it on the table."
"Why would I do that?" I reply, trying to figure out the point she is trying to make.
"Well, you are doing just that now. God gave you lungs to breathe, and you are spitting into his gift."

That was totally over my head back then. But I use the same metaphor now when I try to talk my husband into using his talent.

"The Universe gave you a gift", I say. "You have an obligation to the world to do something with it!" I desperately try to convince him.

In response he says something about the fact that right now we need to focus on making money, blah.. blah... blah...

Remembering that In The Artist's Way the author explains that it is FEAR that is blocking us from pursuing our creative endeavors, I ask him, "If you were guaranteed 100% that if you do the music thing, you cannot fail, would you do it?"

"Of course!", he says as his eyes light up.

(At this point I just want to shake him up and put him in a musician boot camp where people are forced into being musicians, even if it is against their will.)

For many people whose gift may not be as obvious as that of my husband, exploring your creativity is something that will not be a waste of time and energy. I am convinced that it will bring you JOY, a SENSE of FULFILMENET, CONFIDENCE, and those qualities will affect all areas of your life - health, nutrition, choice of friends, overall outlook on life, and maybe the whole course of your life!

If you feel that you can use a little more joy, a little more creativity in your life, get a copy of the book The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron and see if any of it resonates with you. As the author says, “Leap, and the net will appear.”

Until next time, my friend! May the New Year be your MOST CREATIVE YEAR yet, the year when you ALLOW and CONSCIOUSLY INVITE more JOY into your life, when you allow your inner child to do the things she or he yearns for. Be JOYFUL and be well!

Francesca Bliss