selfies as a path to self-love

Part I - NOT A SELFIE TAKER?

"People who post selfies are narcissists crying out for attention." I used to think.

I was the person who didn’t take, or god forbid, share selfies. Because I wasn’t that above mentioned narcissist. Until I realized something… When I looked in the mirror, I thought I was at least good looking, but when the cell phone showed me what he (phone) saw, I was horrified…My nose seemed huge, how much one eye was bigger (or smaller?) than the other was just weird, and gosh, I could see EVERY. SINGLE. PORE! Please point the camera the other way…

But as most people, I want to be consistent. I want my actions to be consistent with my beliefs. And the belief that I am preaching from every page of my website and in my life is this:

LOVE YOURSELF!

You are beautiful, you are perfect the way you are right now, you are worthy of your love, admire yourself. And since my inner dialogue wasn’t reflecting that, I decided it was time to change.

I basically FORCED myself to take selfies. When I am wearing makeup and my hair looks ok I seem to like myself more, but I also challenged myself to take no makeup, just-crawled-out-of-bed- and-made-my-coffee selfies. Many of the photos live on my phone and the rest of the world will NEVER see them. Other selfies I do post in my stories and even in my posts now (I have come a long way!). I can say for sure that the THOUGHT and ACT of SELFIE TAKING causes much less anxiety and negative emotions than it used to and it comes more naturally.

Are selfies good for self-esteem?

Using a statistical technique known as a mediation model, scientists found evidence to suggest that posting selfies encourages positive social media feedback, which improves body image and increases self-esteem.

Please not that I am NOT promoting relying on outside praise and attention to build up your own self-esteem. What I am promoting is finding beauty and good qualities in yourself and focusing on those.

People who know you love for you for who you are. All of you. They don’t even notice that your one breast is bigger than the other. They don’t think about the size of your pores or that your hair is thin. They love you for the fact that you are there when they need you, or they like your silly knock-knock jokes or your puns. And people LOVE seeing your face in their social media feed. Have you noticed how much more engagement you get when your face is in the shot as opposed to a pic of what you ate for breakfast? Exactly. People ENJOY SEEING YOU, give them that treat, take that selfie, post it scared, and see what happens… You might be pleasantly surprised about how you feel afterwards.

Part II - EMBRACING SELFIES

The second part of the reason why it was important for me to embrace selfies was this. Statistics show that social media posts perform better when your face is in it - engagement and likes are much higher. I promised myself to do whatever it takes to grow my business into a thriving one. It meant putting myself out there. It meant showing people the face behind the lens, it meant sharing more about who I am. People connect with people, not businesses. And since I was on a mission, my perception of selfies changed. Sometimes, when taking a selfie in a place where other people could see me, i thought people would laugh at me that I was one of those influencers doing a booty shake into the camera in the middle of a restaurant. In response to that imaginary remark I answered to myself “I am growing an empire and I don’t care what people think.” It took all the pressure right off, it was incredible! 

I started bringing a tripod to most photoshoots to record a behind-the-scenes video of how I photograph. In the beginning all I could notice was extra pounds around my waste and how asymmetrical my face was but then i got over myself. The point was to show my audience what my process looks like. And i remember when early last year I shared a behind-the-scenes of a goddess photoshoot and i booked a photoshoot thanks to it (Katie’s goddess photoshoot)! That was my proof that putting myself out there really works! And now I actually ENJOY creating my behind-the-scenes videos! 

So it is like building a habit. I created a habit of bringing a tripod to every photoshoot to film how I work. Now it has become second nature. The same with taking selfies. I GOT USED to taking them. It became a habit, and took out the anxiety out of it. 

“I am building a business where I can use my talents to help other people, change their lives, and create a fulfilling abundant life for myself, yes. And taking this selfie is part of the process, there’s no shame in it.”  WHY I was doing something changed my ATTITUDE toward it and it made it unimportant what others think. 

Why am I sharing this? Well, I am not sure if I’m the only one who has selfie issues… But if being too critical of yourself is stopping you from fully stepping into your potential, you can change it. The question is, do you WANT to change it? Putting yourself out there becomes easier with practice, so the more you do it, the easier it will become. If you make a commitment to taking more selfies and putting yourself out there, a month from now, a year from now you will look back and be amazed by how far you’ve come.

Part III - ADD THIS WORD TO MAKE SELFIES SHAMELESS

Another way to take the shame out of selfies is this: create ARTISTIC selfies. When your selfie is more than a photo of you smiling into the camera, it is not just a selfie. It is an artistic self-portrait. Artists have been creating self-portraits since a long time ago. Doesn’t the phrase “artistic self-portrait” immediately sounds more refined and sophisticated than “selfie”? Yes. And if using the phrase “artistic self-portrait” is what will make you create these self-portraits, then shamelessly substitute one for the other. 

What separates a selfie from an artistic self-portrait? A selfie is a self-portrait, so the only difference between the two phrases is the word “artistic”. Translation: take a selfie looking into the camera. Take a photo looking up, obscure your face, use a flower to cover up your face, photograph only  a part of your face, substitute your face for something else, and you got yourself an artistic portrait. Artistic is a way of self-expression. 

When my first daughter was about two months old I created this artistic self-portrait. I wrote a story about it here, if you want to check it out. Since then I have made several attempts to create artistic selfies and not of all them were successful but I must say I do enjoy the process.

Part IV - THE EASIEST WAY TO TURN SELFIES INTO ARTISTIC SELF-PORTRAITS

The easiest way to create an artistic selfie is to get creative with posing!

In my guide “8 Easy Goddess Posing Prompts for Looking Divine in Photos” I show my favorite poses that I have been using over the years during my Goddess Photoshoots. I have been photographing goddesses for the last 8 years and what helped me create unique photos of the women is using non-traditional poses. You can easily incorporate these poses into your artistic portraits. The guide has photos of each pose and I describe the possible variations for each one.

You can get your free posing guide here.

Of course, you will either need help from a girlfriend or a partner, or you can buy yourself an inexpensive tripod for your cell phone and take photos on a timer. There is some work involved, but the result will be totally worth it. Especially if you don’t have an opportunity to invest into professional photos of yourself, artistic self portraits that you will create will allow you to see yourself differently. It might change how you see yourself and will also give you an opportunity to create stunning visual content for your social media if that is what you are after. 

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The idea of artistic self-portraits is something I am passionate about because I believe:

1). it is a way to find beauty in yourself and learn to appreciate and accept your body

2). it is a creative outlet and oftentimes as adults we don’t have enough opportunities to express ourselves creatively.

In fact, I am so excited about the idea of artistic self-portraits that I will be teaching an in-person playshop (workshop, but way funner) in South Florida and may create a course on the topic. I have created a bunch more artistic self-portraits since I drafted this article. I am not an authority on self-portraits because I don’t create so many of them, but I am happy to share my process and inspire other women to create them as they learn to embrace, accept and fall in love with themselves. ♥

3 things I learned from having my photos taken by a professional photographer

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Just as cobbler is without shoes, a photographer is often without photos of her taken. I even had to ask my husband to take more photos of me with a phone, because I'm hardly ever in pictures! The truth of it is that I do not look good in photos (how cliche is that? and it is coming from a photographer!) Anyway, it was time to update my headshots, especially since I had recently chopped my hair off, this time letting it grow without coloring it and embracing the greys. (I must tell you, it is a truly liberating experience and I love each and every grey hair that I have and am looking forward to having all of it white!)

Here are the three things I learned from my very own portrait photography session with a professional photographer. 

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I learned to trust the process 

As a photographer, I always gently guide the people I photograph, the majority of whom are not professional models, or give suggestions on how to pose. My photographer, a very talented Nastya Mosh, has worked with many "real" models so I was not sure if she would expect me to know how to pose. Frankly, I felt a little uneasy. Even if she had not been a fashion photographer and had photographed a million people just like me, I still would have been a little anxious. The experience of a photoshoot was so familiar to me, I've done it hundreds of times, but simply putting myself on the other side of the camera, made it a whole new experience for me, which, by definition, was outside of my comfort zone. 

All the butterflies in my stomach disappeared as soon as Nastya, the photographer, started talking to me. When we actually started photographing, she gave me directions, like, "walk from there to here and look into the distance", or "walk as you take off your jacket and turn around". We did each series several times so that Nastya could catch a good shot of me. Then we would move to a different location, and, again she would give me suggestions and I would comply. When we walked onto a large patch of grass behind a parking lot, I wanted to run and jump, and that is how this shot, one of my favorites, was made. 

I learned to trust the stylist

The idea of seeking help of a professional stylist dawned one me when, a couple of years back, I realized that shopping for clothes was a chore, that I had a tendency to buy the same things, and that even though my closet was full of stuff, I had nothing to wear. I was lucky to have met Sasha Belova, with whom we quickly became friends (and whom I will never let out of my life!) When I showed up at Sasha's house the day of my photoshoot so that she could do my makeup, she looked over the clothes I brought and suggested some other outfits. I knew I wanted to wear the long blue goddess dress (that I had bought in Target, of all places!), but I was unsure of other looks. Sasha suggested a look with a long brown skirt, a black cami and a blue denim jacket. While I was trying the outfit on, I panicked. I wanted it to be a perfect photoshoot, and I wanted to be ME in photos, but with the clothes that I had on - this bulky, almost cardboard-like jacket and these heavy boots, I felt I was someone else. My status quo was challenged and I got scared. I told Sasha about it (communication is key, even/especially if it makes you vulnerable, in my opinion) And after we talked, I felt better. I felt better because I knew I could say, "no, thank you", "this outfit is not doing it for me" (sometimes it is hard to say no, especially to the people you like). Now being more relaxed, we tried on another outfit, which I liked and which felt very playful - the one with a yellow shirt and huge polka dot cropped wide legged pants (I felt like Neznaika, a character from a Russian story, in it :)). We photographed all three looks: my original choice - the goddess dress - with details picked by the stylist, and two looks chosen entirely by Sasha. The crazy thing is, the look that I liked the least, also the one that we photographed last, I ended up being most comfortable in, and was the one in which I really connected to my [goddess] power. Also, it is the one that I like the most in photos, perhaps, due to color combination and contrast with my skin.

The moral of this story is: try something new, at least for a little bit. You can always say no or know for future reference if it worked for you or not. And another moral is, try using services of a personal stylist - it might change your confidence level and help you become the person you have dreamt of becoming. 

I learned that I am pretty good looking

When I saw the final images of myself, I thought, "I'm beautiful." (It was easier to think that when I was 24, but now things have changed a bit). Seeing myself in final photos does make me admire myself more. I don't take good selfies. The problem, perhaps, lies in the fact that I don't take a lot of selfies, but anyway, I cannot really admire myself in photos that I take of myself myself. (Unless it is a painstaking self-portrait, which takes me hours of mental preparation and more hours of creating and post processing) Therefore, my chances for self-admiration are those fleeting glimpses I catch in the mirror on the days when I devote the time to doing my makeup and feel that I look good. Having photos that show me how beautiful I look (and I don't mind a light skin retouch) always remind me that I am a goddess, that I am amazing. And of course I am not amazing only when I look good, that amazingness is inside of me always, but if the process of self-admiration must start on the surface, I am ok with that. And even though I am still critical of how I look in some of these pictures, I am more accepting of myself and I bet that next year when I look back at these photos, I might not even notice these little "imperfections".

It has been a long journey of self-acceptance and self-love for me. Maybe it has do with culture, or the way that I was raised, where it was never a good thing to toot my own horn and brag, which somehow spilled over and mutated into not wanting to give myself credit where it was due and thinking I was not good enough. Or maybe it is something that we all go through, but I have two little girls now, girls who look up to me and whom I want to raise strong and confident. That is why self-love is ever more important to me now. And having my photos taken, the best of which I am planning to print large and hang on the wall, are helping me feel beautiful, strong, powerful, and feel like a goddess. 

Huge thanks to Nastya Mosh ans Sasha Belova for making me look and feel like a goddess!