selfies as a path to self-love

Part I - NOT A SELFIE TAKER?

"People who post selfies are narcissists crying out for attention." I used to think.

I was the person who didn’t take, or god forbid, share selfies. Because I wasn’t that above mentioned narcissist. Until I realized something… When I looked in the mirror, I thought I was at least good looking, but when the cell phone showed me what he (phone) saw, I was horrified…My nose seemed huge, how much one eye was bigger (or smaller?) than the other was just weird, and gosh, I could see EVERY. SINGLE. PORE! Please point the camera the other way…

But as most people, I want to be consistent. I want my actions to be consistent with my beliefs. And the belief that I am preaching from every page of my website and in my life is this:

LOVE YOURSELF!

You are beautiful, you are perfect the way you are right now, you are worthy of your love, admire yourself. And since my inner dialogue wasn’t reflecting that, I decided it was time to change.

I basically FORCED myself to take selfies. When I am wearing makeup and my hair looks ok I seem to like myself more, but I also challenged myself to take no makeup, just-crawled-out-of-bed- and-made-my-coffee selfies. Many of the photos live on my phone and the rest of the world will NEVER see them. Other selfies I do post in my stories and even in my posts now (I have come a long way!). I can say for sure that the THOUGHT and ACT of SELFIE TAKING causes much less anxiety and negative emotions than it used to and it comes more naturally.

Are selfies good for self-esteem?

Using a statistical technique known as a mediation model, scientists found evidence to suggest that posting selfies encourages positive social media feedback, which improves body image and increases self-esteem.

Please not that I am NOT promoting relying on outside praise and attention to build up your own self-esteem. What I am promoting is finding beauty and good qualities in yourself and focusing on those.

People who know you love for you for who you are. All of you. They don’t even notice that your one breast is bigger than the other. They don’t think about the size of your pores or that your hair is thin. They love you for the fact that you are there when they need you, or they like your silly knock-knock jokes or your puns. And people LOVE seeing your face in their social media feed. Have you noticed how much more engagement you get when your face is in the shot as opposed to a pic of what you ate for breakfast? Exactly. People ENJOY SEEING YOU, give them that treat, take that selfie, post it scared, and see what happens… You might be pleasantly surprised about how you feel afterwards.

Part II - EMBRACING SELFIES

The second part of the reason why it was important for me to embrace selfies was this. Statistics show that social media posts perform better when your face is in it - engagement and likes are much higher. I promised myself to do whatever it takes to grow my business into a thriving one. It meant putting myself out there. It meant showing people the face behind the lens, it meant sharing more about who I am. People connect with people, not businesses. And since I was on a mission, my perception of selfies changed. Sometimes, when taking a selfie in a place where other people could see me, i thought people would laugh at me that I was one of those influencers doing a booty shake into the camera in the middle of a restaurant. In response to that imaginary remark I answered to myself “I am growing an empire and I don’t care what people think.” It took all the pressure right off, it was incredible! 

I started bringing a tripod to most photoshoots to record a behind-the-scenes video of how I photograph. In the beginning all I could notice was extra pounds around my waste and how asymmetrical my face was but then i got over myself. The point was to show my audience what my process looks like. And i remember when early last year I shared a behind-the-scenes of a goddess photoshoot and i booked a photoshoot thanks to it (Katie’s goddess photoshoot)! That was my proof that putting myself out there really works! And now I actually ENJOY creating my behind-the-scenes videos! 

So it is like building a habit. I created a habit of bringing a tripod to every photoshoot to film how I work. Now it has become second nature. The same with taking selfies. I GOT USED to taking them. It became a habit, and took out the anxiety out of it. 

“I am building a business where I can use my talents to help other people, change their lives, and create a fulfilling abundant life for myself, yes. And taking this selfie is part of the process, there’s no shame in it.”  WHY I was doing something changed my ATTITUDE toward it and it made it unimportant what others think. 

Why am I sharing this? Well, I am not sure if I’m the only one who has selfie issues… But if being too critical of yourself is stopping you from fully stepping into your potential, you can change it. The question is, do you WANT to change it? Putting yourself out there becomes easier with practice, so the more you do it, the easier it will become. If you make a commitment to taking more selfies and putting yourself out there, a month from now, a year from now you will look back and be amazed by how far you’ve come.

Part III - ADD THIS WORD TO MAKE SELFIES SHAMELESS

Another way to take the shame out of selfies is this: create ARTISTIC selfies. When your selfie is more than a photo of you smiling into the camera, it is not just a selfie. It is an artistic self-portrait. Artists have been creating self-portraits since a long time ago. Doesn’t the phrase “artistic self-portrait” immediately sounds more refined and sophisticated than “selfie”? Yes. And if using the phrase “artistic self-portrait” is what will make you create these self-portraits, then shamelessly substitute one for the other. 

What separates a selfie from an artistic self-portrait? A selfie is a self-portrait, so the only difference between the two phrases is the word “artistic”. Translation: take a selfie looking into the camera. Take a photo looking up, obscure your face, use a flower to cover up your face, photograph only  a part of your face, substitute your face for something else, and you got yourself an artistic portrait. Artistic is a way of self-expression. 

When my first daughter was about two months old I created this artistic self-portrait. I wrote a story about it here, if you want to check it out. Since then I have made several attempts to create artistic selfies and not of all them were successful but I must say I do enjoy the process.

Part IV - THE EASIEST WAY TO TURN SELFIES INTO ARTISTIC SELF-PORTRAITS

The easiest way to create an artistic selfie is to get creative with posing!

In my guide “8 Easy Goddess Posing Prompts for Looking Divine in Photos” I show my favorite poses that I have been using over the years during my Goddess Photoshoots. I have been photographing goddesses for the last 8 years and what helped me create unique photos of the women is using non-traditional poses. You can easily incorporate these poses into your artistic portraits. The guide has photos of each pose and I describe the possible variations for each one.

You can get your free posing guide here.

Of course, you will either need help from a girlfriend or a partner, or you can buy yourself an inexpensive tripod for your cell phone and take photos on a timer. There is some work involved, but the result will be totally worth it. Especially if you don’t have an opportunity to invest into professional photos of yourself, artistic self portraits that you will create will allow you to see yourself differently. It might change how you see yourself and will also give you an opportunity to create stunning visual content for your social media if that is what you are after. 

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The idea of artistic self-portraits is something I am passionate about because I believe:

1). it is a way to find beauty in yourself and learn to appreciate and accept your body

2). it is a creative outlet and oftentimes as adults we don’t have enough opportunities to express ourselves creatively.

In fact, I am so excited about the idea of artistic self-portraits that I will be teaching an in-person playshop (workshop, but way funner) in South Florida and may create a course on the topic. I have created a bunch more artistic self-portraits since I drafted this article. I am not an authority on self-portraits because I don’t create so many of them, but I am happy to share my process and inspire other women to create them as they learn to embrace, accept and fall in love with themselves. ♥

divine feminine power: what it is and 6 ways to step into yours

You know that feeling when you have your hair done? You feel magical, notice the attention you get from everyone, can’t stop admiring yourself in the mirror and even when you are NOT looking at your reflection in the mirror, you can’t help but smile because you KNOW that you totally ROCK? That feeling. Would you like more of that? 

You might also feel this way when you wear an outfit in which you know you look good and in which you FEEL CONFIDENT. There is this electrifying energy that comes FROM INSIDE OF YOU and people can’t help but SEE and FEEL it. 

When you feel all magical after a haircut or feel like a superhero when you are dressed for success, YOU ARE IN YOUR POWER!

When you are in your power, you are aware of your awesomeness. 

When you are in your power, you know that you are amazing and it shines so brightly that others KNOW it too. It’s like a blinding light that radiates from you that people simply cannot ignore. That’s what being in your power is. 

For me, being in my power means fully owning my talents, special gifts, knowledge, wisdom, and expertise. Growing up in the Soviet Union, talking about yourself in a positive way always meant bragging and it was not good. You were supposed to be like everyone else and not stick out.

Because of that, I learned to downplay my strong sides, and say that they are “nothing, not a big deal”, that “it is not me, it just happened to me, it is genetics or whatever”. When someone would say “You are so good with languages, it is incredible that you speak several of them”, I would say “Oh, with good teachers anyone can do that. Languages come easy to me, it is not a big deal.” 

Even now, when I seem to be doing much better in owning my power, when someone says “you are so talented”, I say, “no, i am not, it is not something that I do consciously, it is something that happens through me, i am just a vessel.”

Though there is a lot of truth in that last sentence when it comes to my creative process, owning my creativity and talents is exactly what being in my power means.

I am talented.

I am creative.

I am proud of myself.

I have worked hard to get to where I am (though it didn’t feel like hard work, more like creative play) and I will continue to grow. That’s what being in your power means.

“Being in my power means listening to my own voice over the voice of others & following through with my word on my beliefs.” another woman said. 

Being in your power means not being a victim of circumstances. You have the power to change either your actions, or at least your attitude so you are not in a victim role, ever. You don’t blame others for what happens to you, but you also don’t blame yourself, you just learn from the experience and move on. 

When you are in your power, you don’t use excuses to cover up your inability to do something. Instead, you find ways to do what you need to do. You don’t say “I can’t do this because of something that is outside of my control.” You say, HOW can I do it? Is there any way I can accomplish this?” 

As my mom used to say (in Russian), “Those who don’t want to do something, find reasons and excuses, those who want to do it, find ways and opportunities to do it. 

When you are in your power, you understand the power of the words you use. You say things with intention. Every word has meaning. You don’t say “I am trying to get in shape”, you say “I am getting in shape”. You also speak lovingly about yourself and your body. 

When you are in your power, you take good care of your body because you understand that you need your physical body to be capable of doing all the things you set out to do. You admire your body and thank it for all the simple yet wonderful things it enables you to do. 

So using simple language, you could say that being in your power is being CONFIDENT. 

Confident that you are smart, capable, beautiful, to do whatever you set out to accomplish. 

Confident that you are enough. 

Confident that you have all the talent, wisdom or access to resources that you need to complete a task. 

Confident that everything will work out well. 

Confidence is awesome, I just like the word POWER better because it’s more electrifying. It makes me think of 

MIGHT

DRIVE

ELECTRIC

PASSION

CHARGE 

ENERGY 

SUPERPOWER

AUTHORITY

POWERHOUSE

 POWER UP

When I taught American accent training to foreign students, one of the tips that I gave them was to EXAGGERATE their American accent when we were practicing. Because when they went back to speaking English in their everyday life, they would shrink back to about 30% of what they learned in class. So the more they exaggerated their American accent in class, the higher their chance was to sounding more American in everyday interaction. 

The same with being in your power and confidence. The more passionate you are about your talents and positive traits in front of a bathroom mirror, the higher the chance you will actually speak and act confidently in the real world. (A bathroom mirror is like our classroom :))

There is nothing wrong with the word “confidence”. But I feel like it is being shy of its accomplishments, that’s why we need to give it a boost and talk about electric words to get ourselves powered up. That’s why motivational speakers sound like they had a six pack of Red Bull or a pot of coffee when they teach. They need to energize you to their level so that you can affect change in your life. 

Only people who are PASSIONATE about something can affect change. Many humans seek the path of least resistance and to really affect change you have to be a real powerhouse that can get others to believe in what you believe. 

So I don’t invite you to become confident. 

I invite you to STEP INTO YOUR POWER. 

I invite you to put on your SUPERHERO outfit and follow your PASSION. Be the AUTHORITY to your clients if you have a business, be the LEADER to your followers. Use your ENERGY to live a full and rich life and by shining your light CONFIDENTLY this way, you will give the permission to many others to step into their POWER. 

(Uff… I feel like I just ran a marathon. Being a motivational speaker is not easy :))

Check out this video to learn more about the Goddess Photoshoot and how it can help you connect to your divine feminine power:

Here are few simple ways to step into your power:

1. Move your body, literally electrify your body through walking, dancing, doing some yoga, running outside with your kids

2. Make a list of all the qualities that you admire or like in yourself, hang that list by the mirror and read it aloud to yourself when you look in the mirror daily. 

3. When someone pays you a compliment, don’t rush to answer it. Hear it, digest it, and think whether what you are about to say downplays your role in it, or if it affirms your special efforts, or talents. Remember, OWN YOUR AWESOMENESS. 

4. Be mindful of how you speak. Use empowering language that sets you up for success, talk lovingly about your body, never make self-degrading comments even if jokingly. 

5. Have a digital portrait of yourself created. Basically, you email your photo to a digital artist and she creates a piece of art in which you are depicted as a goddess, superhero, whatever you want to be. Check out my girl Katie for this service. This one requires a larger investment that the previous tips, but it is totally worth it, 

6. Have professional photos of yourself taken. Another way of stepping into your power that costs money but that can enhance your life in so many ways. Having an artist create portraits of you so you can see how powerful and beautiful you already are, so you can admire yourself and see how the world sees you. Have your portraits printed and display them in your house for a daily reminder of your amazingness. You can also use these photos for your social media or website, if you have a business or service. 

When you are in your power, the sky’s the limit! When you have the confidence that you are enough, that you will succeed, even if it is on twentieth time, you boldly go in the direction of your dreams and create the life you want. By being in your power you give others the permission to do the same. By being the most unapologetic and strong version of you you are making the world a better place! If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for the good of the world!

Now to you.

What does being in your power look like to you? Please share in the comments or send me a personal message.

With love and gratitude, 

Francesca Bliss