Sarina, or how a life coach can help transform your life
This Goddess came into my life unexpectedly, as most of them do. I met her at a Moon Circle and her ear to ear smile immediately struck me. Little did I know that this woman would have such a tremendous impact on my life.
This Goddess came into my life unexpectedly, as most of them do. I met her a few years ago at a Moon Circle and her radiant smile immediately fascinated me. Little did I know that this woman would have such a tremendous impact on my life.
When I first met Sarina, she had just moved down to South Florida from Virginia. She was on a mission to complete her medical degree to become an acupuncturist and she was on a spiritual journey that had just begun. As I got to know her better, she contracted me to take photos for her professional life coaching business.
Sarina was born in Burma, where her father was from, and her family emigrated to the US when she was six months old. She does not speak Chinese, which her father did not want to speak to his daughters because he, himself, had difficulty with languages, and only English was spoken at home. Sarina did learn her mother's native German when she went to Austria after college, a country where she lived for sixteen years and where she had a marriage, and where she was a branch manager of an all-women staffing agency team. Sarina moved back to the US to open an art studio for kids - a franchise that she started with her sister. That business did not turn out as hoped and Sarina returned to psychology, which she had studied and to which she was always drawn, perhaps as a result of being shy as a kid. In 2008 Sarina completed her coaching certification and that is when she starting her coaching business.
"Surroundings have a strong impact on our emotions. Get away, connect with nature, relax," Sarina says.
The principle behind her life coaching business called Take 2 Coaching is that these conversations take place while walking outdoors. (Even though my conversations with her happen over the phone, when I am sitting in my car - the escape from the toddler and the baby in the house, or locking myself up in another room is necessary! - and I get to watch the trees next to our apartment building :))
In addition to individual sessions, Sarina offers life coaching in small group format. How can you do life coaching as a group, some may wonder? The truth is, whatever you are going through, many people are going through something similar, or the underlying pattern or limiting belief is the same, and that is how life coaching can be done in a small group.
Sarina has recently completed her studies, passed all board examinations and became a licensed doctor of acupuncture.
"Acupuncture and life coaching in a way are the same thing for me - I am supporting you with what you are already doing."
I'm a great advocate of hiring a life coach because of the positive impact that it had on my life. (For potential impact of life coaching on your life you might want to check out this article.) When I have my phone sessions with Sarina, sometimes, I am aware of what is bothering me and we focus on that issue right away. But sometimes I am not even aware of my pattern of thinking when it comes to something and Sarina can pick up the notes of anger or frustration about the subject and then helps me see how I think about that particular thing. And that is a truly remarkable thing - to be able to see how I think or how I perceive something, because when I am looking at the world from inside myself, I don't notice my own patterns, some of which hold me back from achieving my greatest potential. It's like I make tiny revelations about myself during my talks with Sarina.
And these numerous tiny revelations have helped transform my life in big ways.
The earliest revelation was about my attitude toward housework. "Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments in the household for the family that you are nurturing", Sarina said. It was a tough one for me, believe it or not. Coming from the Russian culture, where women are EXPECTED to clean, cook, and run all the household activities AND work, I never saw mopping floors as an accomplishment. I would often mentally not only berate myself for not doing it as often as I should, but also think of all the things that I could be doing at that time instead of mopping, then manage to get mad at my husband for his not helping me, and just turn into one angry person as a result of this one activity that is essential to maintaining a clean home, which is important to me. Now after I mop the floors, I celebratorily proclaim "I'm da bomb" and I have a great sense of accomplishment and pride. When I told another ex-Soviet friend of mine about this, she said, "really? you are supposed to see doing housework as an accomplishment and celebrate yourself for that?"
A lot of what we talk about is about raising your vibration (or being in alignment with your [higher] self). "Be aware of how you feel. When you get trapped in a moment of feeling down, raise your vibration by thinking about something that brings you joy, and it doesn't even have to be related to the one thing that might be bringing you down at this moment. Try to get back to that state of lightness and flowing to realign with your goals, and at the same time be gentle with yourself." This piece of advice helps me when I get overcome with fear or anger and if I become aware of the emotions (that I can easily get trapped in), I can shift out of them faster and react to a situation in a calmer way.
We also talk about about manifestation quite a bit. "We are constantly manifesting. What we focus on is what we bring into existence", Sarina teaches me.
"When I met Joe Tedesco and he introduced me to A Course in Miracles, it all made sense - it was everything that I had believed put in words."
Sarina also taught me the importance of WHY in goal setting:
"Be clear on the things that are important to you, and WHY they are important. The WHY puts the emotion behind the goal and ask as many WHYs as you need to do to drill it down the very essence, the core, the values that you have. In the evening, before you go to sleep, spend ten minutes getting in touch with those whys - why things are important to you, and this way you will stay focused on your goals."
And the last piece of advice, which is obvious for most, but can be easily forgotten, especially when you are a mom of little children is
"Put yourself first, love yourself enough, so you can be the best you for others."
Working with a life coach has helped me become more calm and centered and less re-active to situations. I am more focused on the things I want to achieve, yet at the same time I am not panicking if one evening I decide to binge watch Netflix with my husband, because that, too, serves a purpose. My communication with my husband has improved, we communicate at a higher level now, and I can also tell that as I grow spiritually and psychologically, he also rises up with me. I feel that I am more in alignment with my higher purpose, though from time to time I do get thrown off balance but I can more easily recognize when it happens and thus bring myself back.
To sum it up in a few words, I love it!
Sarina has become a dear friend and that is why I wanted to introduce her to you so that you get a chance to know this wonderful and gifted woman for yourself. After I wrote this interview I realized that I wrote more about me, how she affected my life, though it is supposed to be about HER, she is THE GODDESS.
And then it became clear to me that a part of her goddess-ness is that she helps people in such a unique way - helps people make the most of their lives, live to their fullest.
What is the ultimate goal of life coaching?
The ultimate purpose of life coaching is that you achieve your goals and live the life of your dream. The biggest value that life coaching can give you is a shift in perspective.
We always talk through our problems and discuss our aspirations with friends and family. Can't they be the ones to hold us accountable for our growth? Why is life coaching something that is best handled by a professional?
It is true that we oftentimes place our personal growth in the hands of our friends and family members. The problem with that approach is that these people cannot see you beyond what you are right now. Objectivity is key. A professional coach has no attachment to the client being a certain way, as a friend or an untrained person might be. It is also important to find someone who resonates with you as a person and in terms of their coaching style.
What advice can you give to those people who are eager to change their life for the better but are not ready to commit financially to hiring a coach?
One must evaluate the importance of the desired change. What is the value of your life? Contact a coach, it may be more feasible than imagined.
Tamara - yogi, teacher, artist, mom, decorator, dancer, gentle soul
"I always wanted to be old. I remember days when my grandma would take me to this old folks' home to visit her girlfriend. We would walk into this place, smelling of medicine and air freshener, and spend hours there.”
"I always wanted to be old. I remember days when my grandma would take me to this old folks' home to visit her girlfriend. We would walk into this place, smelling of medicine and air freshener, and spend hours there. While the grannies sat there chatting about things that I did not understand, I would go through the drawers of the dresser where she had her towels neatly folded and tucked away along with soaps. When I got home, I would take the towels from my mom's linen closet and organize them in the same fashion along with soaps in my own dresser."
Sitting across from me at a clear round kitchen table is Tamara. Her kitchen and the entire house are a reflection of her - filled with light, beautifully decorated and welcoming.
As I get ready to feast on a dish of white rice and humongous shrimp in tomato sauce that she had prepared, she lovingly takes my six-months old daughter and I ask her a question to which I know the answer, but because this is the first Goddess Interview, I must ask for the record.
"Tamara, are you a Goddess?"
"I am a goddess. I am the Queen of Goddesses," she laughs.
I met Tamara in May of 2013 at the very first Moon Circle that I ever attended. She arrived a few minutes late, after we had already started, and for me it was like an amazingly ornate fiesta joined the party. She was wearing wide silky pants and a colorful top, lots and lots of jewelry, a mane of blondish curls pouring out of her turban.
I had never seen anyone dress like this in real life.
I immediately wanted to be HER, and since it was a bit of a far-fetched goal, I decided to at least get to know her better.
"I just recently picked up photography and need people to practice on. Would you be interested in posing for me?" I asked, as my heart beat one hundred beats per minute.
"You want to photograph ME?" she asked incredulously.
Little did I know that it would be my first goddess photoshoot, but that's another story.
Three years later, now that I have the honor of calling her my friend, I get to sit down with her and talk about things that inspire her and wisdom that she would like to share with others. Here are the highlights of our conversation:
You are always so happy and radiant. What is your formula?
It's not because bad things don't happen, negative things happen to everyone. It's important to look at it from a different perspective.
Change your perspective.
When something negative happens, acknowledge it, see what you can learn from it, see what you can take from it that can make it better. If there is nothing there, because some events are just awful, acknowledge it and move from there. And try not to carry the negative emotion and judgment forward. It takes practice, to snap out of it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that I will be grumpy today. And my husband says, "You are just choosing to be grumpy." And I suppose I do it because I want some attention, because then everyone asks, "are you ok? what's wrong with you?", even though I hate when I get asked that.
You turned 40 last year. What did it mean to you?
Since I always longed to be old, or older, 40 is very exciting to me. I've been wanting to celebrate it since I turned 30. I always wanted to be old because I felt like I had to be of old age in order to be a credible source of wisdom. Upon turning 40 I created a list of things I learned, because I wanted to start compiling thoughts, memories and wisdom for my children and for me to turn to when I most need it. Some of the things I learned are to take each day one step at a time; to not live in the past, or the future, but this present moment; to not judge yourself, or others harshly, if at all; to accept that the thought is there, but it is my mind that gives it meaning. The example that I give sometimes is of the snake in the room. One is deathly afraid of the snake and cowers in the corner, as far away from the snake as possible. The other one doesn't mind it. Knows to have respect for the snake's abilities, but is calm. What makes one afraid and not the other? I believe it's their mind's interpretation of the snake in the room.
What did 40 mean to me most? It meant getting a little closer to being wiser, and being able to make a positive impact on the world and others, on my family. I felt that I needed to be old in order for people to believe the wisdom that I had to share, that I had experience and knowledge because of my age, like the lines of my face were the ID card for wisdom sharing. But with turning 40 and making my lists and putting my words on paper I realized I DO have things to offer and share to be able to help others. That's all I ever wanted to do in my life, help others. Help them see their light, find their joy, connect with their soul and spirit. And I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up: I want to be a midwife for the spirit and soul.
I just recently found out that you create beautiful paintings. Do you consider yourself an artist?
I used to say "I like to paint"; and when I started saying "I am an artist", I started to fall into that flow of being an artist, into that feeling of being an artist. It changes the energy about how you feel, just like when you start calling yourself a goddess.
I didn't consider myself or any of the artsy things that I liked to do to define me as an artist. It wasn't until I realized that my joy, my inspiration, my motivation comes from my creation, my creating, my beautifying. I think for me it works hand in hand: my daily experiences, and way of processing them and expressing them is through my creating of artwork, painting furniture, decorating, changing furniture around, dancing, gardening, the way I dress, doing yoga, and vice versa. It is all these things that i like to do that inspire me daily that make me want to share, inspire others, learn more, change more, experience more. And then I go and physically create again. It is a never-ending creative cycle.
Life alone is art and creative, we all do so many interesting things on a daily basis, no matter how small or big, it's all art, it's all creation.
I think we are always changing. So I don't decorate my home and then I am done with it.
My surroundings are also an ever-changing, evolving and unfinished product. I've noticed that in my clothing recently I have changed color, pattern, to a more subdued, more simple selections. I feel what we wear on the outside is not a choice out of vanity, but it is a true expression of our inner process, of what's going on inside of us. In certain cultures the choice of widows, for example, to wear black after the death of a spouse or a child - their insides are in turmoil; the society expressed that the color black signifies that sort of feeling. Not only are they following a way of tradition, which I think is important, but they are also expressing their feelings.
“I love change. I move my furniture all the time: a). it helps me clean the house; b) I clean out stagnant energy from my home; c) it’s like starting fresh, from a new perspective, and it’s new and different. My husband says that as long as I am not changing the locks on the house, I can change the furniture all I want.”
Also, having a passion, or doing things with passion changes everything, makes everything more alive, more inspired. You can almost feel the love, the passion, the inspiration with which the person has done that particular thing. For example, a mom, like me, who isn't of the best cooks. They tell me how delicious the food is. Either they are saying this to be nice, or they are really feeling the love, the care, with which I prepare the food and they can feel it. Hopefully, it's the latter.
Just like intentions, and setting the intentions, everything we do and say, there is an intention behind it. Choose carefully those intentions, because they are what brings things to fruition and sets the tone for energy and things occurring.
“I believe creating is necessary because it is it is an expression, a release, an inspiration to self as well to others. You never know how something you say, do or create may be a catalyst to the waking of someone, to their inspiration, to their change, to their growth and blossoming.”
You are infamous for rescuing old furniture sadly awaiting the garbage truck on the side of the road. And then you breathe new life back into it. What moves you to do that?
I feel we have become a society of discard. We throw things away so easily, we don't even think about it, we toss perfectly good clothes and shoes and mattresses and items, we just throw them away. And they are just a little bit broken, dusty, old, maybe out of fashion, not useful for what it was once intended. And this has leaked into our view of relationships. Maybe when a marriage is not as exciting, or as romantic, or friendship that is not as wild or useful as it once was... Divorce, breaking up friendships, you are no longer my friend because we don't speak anymore...
I wish, with my up-cycling of home furniture, to bring back its luster and appreciation for that which, in the observer's eye, lost its sparkle. I love what is old and worn and used. It has memories, it's priceless. It has knowledge, shine, experience. And with just a new coat of paint, a new set of eyes to see through and found appreciation, it comes back to life.
How did you become a yogi? Did you travel to India, like many do?
No, I did not travel to India. The closest I was to India was when in high school i would stay up on Saturdays to watch Bollywood movies on PBS. I would be so tired the next day, and I had to go to church, but even that didn't stop me from watching my Bollywood movies. Since childhood I liked Eastern philosophies - Chinese, Asian, Indian, and especially Middle Eastern. i feel like i am from those cultures even though i am not. And i used to say that I was Egyptian, even though i wasn't! I started reading about yoga and meditation and do a little here and there. After i had my youngest daughter, I was home for seven years, with no real connection to the outside of world, except for mommy and me, and I did have some friends, but they were not my tribe. I began to lose myself. I was no longer a woman. I was mama...
Now you have a beautiful yoga practice and have a large following of students who adore you. What advice would you give to those who are just starting out on their yoga journey?
First of all, yoga, just like learning to walk, it is a step by step process. When we fall, and sometimes it can be a literal fall, we get back up again and keep trying. Go back to that childlike state when nothing stopped you. Imagine, if we gave up walking when we were little, we would be a society of non-walkers. My favorite quote that I learned during my masters program, is "Little by little, bit by bit, I am improving every day". I repeat it to myself when I am frustrated.
We all come to yoga as beginners and work our way through. There is no such thing as a natural born yogi. Although some of us are more flexible, whether it is by nature, or because they were dancers or gymnasts. But there is always something that one person has that the other doesn't and vice versa. So it's ok - wherever we begin, we begin.
Another thing that is important is that each day is different in our practice: some days we will be stronger, other days we will be more flexible or balanced, and then miraculously comes a day when all three, strength, flexibility and balance, or mind, body and spirit, all work together as one.
"Bravo!", you think, and then with that, it's all gone with a blink of an eye or with a release of the breath. You then have to learn to resettle, close your eyes and begin again, without judgment, without expectation, but with a little more faith that all is possible. It just happened, so why not again? One of my favorite things to hear from my students is "it's getting easier!" and I tell them, "it is not getting easier, you are just getting better".
Try not to compare yourself to others in the class, or even to yourself yesterday, or a month ago, or ten years ago. The only constant in life is change. So wherever you are in your practice today is exactly where you are meant to be. Believe in the higher reason, the reason for it being the way it is at that moment in time.
What does it mean to be a yogi?
To me being a yogi doesn't mean practicing yoga every day, twice a day, eating only leaves and bark, while wearing skin-tight yoga pants or saving every animal from the shelter. To me being a yogi means staying focused on the present moment and finding even smallest things to be grateful for. Being kind, loving and patient to your loved ones, to those who cross your path every day, and especially to yourself. Being a yogi to me means having faith in the impossible, knowing that you can and will achieve what your hopes, wishes and dreams are. Being a yogi is holding a door for someone, reading a book to your child during a busy day, sharing a meal with a lonely friend, making eye contact with the homeless man on the corner, not making him feel as if though he is a pariah on this earth, as others may make him feel by not sharing a glance out of shame and pity. It's saying hello and sharing a moment of a smile with a stranger. That smile does not belong to you or me, it belongs to the person who is seeing it, it is what brightens their day and their heart.
What does yoga mean to me? Yoga to me is the beginning, the beginning of anything and everything. The practice brought me to the beginning of creating this woman I am today, it allowed me to acknowledge and appreciate all I had been and done before yoga and from there begin to mold and create this whole other person, the same as before, but even better, the person that I am today. Sometimes I wonder how I'd be or who and where I'd be if I had never begun, but then I realize that somewhere along the line this was just meant to happen anyway. Twenty years ago or twenty years from now, yoga would still be a part of my life.
Yoga to me is the source of all. All the light within us. It is my peace, my joy, my acceptance, my frustration, my patience, my love, my friendships, my family. It's all encompassing.
Connect with Tamara on Facebook if you would like to attend one of her yoga classes, or if you need help finding a perfect home, breathing new life into your old furniture, or if you just want to get to know this beautiful soul!